I have demons in me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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