is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
