I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
