so that wasnt chicken after all
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
