Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
