Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
