I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
