he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
