I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
