Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
