My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
