FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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