what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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