Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
