my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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