just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
