At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
