I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
