DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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