Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
