You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
