This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
