it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
only if we run a train.
done.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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