How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
