if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
