I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
