wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
