Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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