It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
