We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
