worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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