We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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