Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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