I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
