Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
