dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
