I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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