Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
