ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
