'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
