I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
