A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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