Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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