I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
