I just cut my nipple shaving
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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