this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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