Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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