I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
