she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
