Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
