are you so shy because you have an std?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
