Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
