She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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