Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my being single is dangerous.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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